Well, this is just an incident i would love to share with you all. Thankyou for reading :).
I’ve always had this passion for football, maybe much more than the boys who play better than me in the park everyday. Even after being told by practically everyone not to go play with them, i picked up myself rather confidently hoping no one would notice the scared and awkward girl behind that tough wall. Not hard to guess, they said they dont play with girls. That actually hit hard on my esteem, bit quite unbashed i tried my best to fit in. I fell, and picked up myself without complaining. Everyone would make fun of me, constantly reminding me i dont belong here. Some of the boys did realise my love for the game was bigger than my ego and had no other choice but to pass the ball occasionally.
Nothing has changed; i still fight everyday, i still fall, help myself, get occasional passes and high-fives, but now the boys are used to my presence and i am used to their attitude.
Now i’m the only girl they would play with and wait for to come down in the same confident way everyday.
I have grown seeing too many women
That they can’t tell apart affection from affliction
And so they keep mum
Drowning in the labyrinths of society’s lies.
I’ve seen women cleaning the mess
Of their lovers
Day and night
Accepting that love hurts at times
All the time
Leaving ugly scars they hide
With layers of makeup.
I’ve been told being beautiful
Is a liability, a curse womanhood has endowned upon me
And it’s okay if people touch me
For that is what I really want.
To be touched, to be fucked; consent is a lie made up by
Some immodest women who pronounce “yes” as “no”.
I have been long looking for
Durgas who slay demons who walk around
Sitas who don’t permit society
To judge her on the basis of her purity
Radhas who love shamelessly
Kalis who speak of truths no one wants her to say out loud.
And here I say
To the women who were silenced
But spoke up anyway
Who knew they are
So much more than what society lets them be
Who fought, and are still fighting;
I’m tired of looking up to sculptures and mythical stories
I bow down to you instead.
Neon lights, blinding lights
Colours and shimmer
A fair of lust and pain
Games of helplessness
Pieces of cloth, hanging loose to the body
Giving peeks to all the glitter-
All the glitter, that can never be gold.
Used and abused,
Yet smiling women.
Hiding their puffed up eyes
Behind layers of makeup
From all the nights they couldn’t sleep-
From each and every night
Ugly, cunning scars
From the visitor’s eyes
Ready for new ones.
And every day is the same
Another night of helplessness,
Another choking dream,
Another shattering hope.
Beautiful, sold bodies
Dancing in the neon lights
In all these shining, enchanting
Everyday, something is damaged
Everyday, something is sold
Everyday, something dies.
I do not contain rhythms inside me
I sway up and down
In and out
Of the peripheries of your love
Like the waves of the ocean
Merely touching your feet
Like your feet
Shying away from water
I don’t rhyme
To your heartbeat
I string down
Lose to your tongue
Almost like I belong there
I am the free verses of your poetry.
My fingers flutter through
And the stubble on your cheeks
And I think how
I’ve always liked men with a beard
But not on you.
You have a habit
Of holding my hand when we cross a street
And when we watch a horror movie
And I ask you why won’t you let me go out in the dark.
You’re scared, you mumble.
You see, my love,
There’s a right amount of everything:
Every aroma, every word, every gaze.
You sometimes say the wrong things at the right times
The right things at the wrong time
You speak too much, and not at all
Holding me close with your gaze like your favourite toy
Smiling like you’ll never smile at a woman again.
There’s a right amount of everything.
And you’ll learn it with every hand you hold, every time a heart breaks.
And you’ll make an equation, for the next woman who’ll warm your bed
Not too much
Not too little
Just the right amount of love.
But right now, you’re just a boy.
And you don’t measure, for this is all you know.
You’re a boy
Maybe I’ll wait for you to learn
Maybe I’ll wish you don’t.
I see your eyes,
Soft when they touch me
And your fingers tracing
The air between the two of us
Like an invisible wall, an incomplete thread
A pattern you can’t solve;
And I don’t want to realise
That he’s never looked at me
The way you do,
But I do.
You say that unrequited has its own perks
It never makes me ordinary for you
I never wear out
You say you never want to forget that.
I ask you, “Have you ever felt guilty of not loving someone back?”
You laugh, it’s beautiful
But not as beautiful as his.
I ask you again, “Why me?”
And you tell me
“We accept the love we think we deserve,
But we choose our own poison.”
When people ask you, what is luck
Tell them it’s an artist struggling for the right words
Before finding the one that fits perfectly.
It’s an orator, influencing millions
With shaky fingers cold feet.
The number of drafts on a writers desk
Before stumbling upon the best story
The number of failed experiments
Before accidentally finding a theory
The delicacy in a chef’s movements
Or in the dance of a warrior, as he slays enemies.
When people tell you, you were just lucky
Text them you were,
With sleepless nights and deadends
And struggling with oneself to not give up
And failing a hundred times
Before you really were lucky, just like everyone else.
Sometimes I wonder
Why people say, they’re scared of love
When it’s the memory that haunts us
And screams of a breaking heart, aching heart
Not the one filled with love, that keeps us awake all night.
And I think about the saddest lines I can write
“Love is a gamble of moments,
It’s the forgetting that lasts a lifetime”
It shows you how
The only things you’ve loved about a person
Can haunt you.
It makes you skip restaurants
And your favourite songs
Shut your favourite clothes in the closet
Avoid every remembrance
Of the only moments
You’d want to remember, if given a choice.
“Heartbreak is a gift
Only to a heart which knows love”
When you left,
I washed my old bedsheets to let go of your fragrance
Cleaned my door of your footsteps
but how do I destroy a whole universe we made?
Where Breeze is soft as your touch
my morning coffee as dark as the color of your eyes
You are the sunlight through my curtains every day
the shine of the moon, every night.
how do I clean my soul of your touch
how do I get rid of a heart which isn’t mine anymore
what do I say to my body which whispered on your touch every time
“I’m yours and you are mine”
Maybe I’ll never know how to forget you.
But all I know,
Is the next time I bare my soul before another
Before learning to love,
I’ll teach myself how to unlove.
For forgetting is a longer fall.